Posted by john (the hubby of Jen)

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/heeere-leezard-leezard-leezard-2025

Could switching to GEICO really save you 15% or more on car insurance?

...

Do bakeries in Florida have a problem with lizards?

"S'alright.  'E's probably just restin'."

 

Thanks to Anony M. for finding a wreck my cats would LOVE.

*****

P.S. OK, so no one wants to see a lizard on a cake.
But how about a Bearded Dragon on a blog?

Pogo the Plush Bearded Dragon

Pogo is a whopping 21 inches long, so I hear he's great for snuggling.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/heeere-leezard-leezard-leezard-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/say-what-2025

I know they keep pushing back the retirement age, but this is ridiculous:

Worst. Retirement package. Ever.

 

Clearly this "celabrate" you speak of refers to an activity with which I am unfamiliar.

 

Ever notice what a difference an "e" can make?

Ouch.

 

Or the lack of proper spacing?

Woohoo! Uric acid-induced arthritis! Yeah!

 

At first glance I thought this next cake said "gobbles," which you must admit would have been perfect on an edible baby cake.

Of course, if you say it fast enough this actually almost sounds right.

And, poof!
Just like that, I got you all to say the word "Gobbless" under your breath.

BOW BEFORE YOUR PUPPET MASTER!

Bwah-ha-haa-haaa!!!

Ahem.

 

And finally, a reminder of the importance of commas:

"The first 102rd moms were just so-so, but number 103th? BINGO."

 

Thanks to Bethany V., Clare P., Jason T., Angela L., Erin L., & Rachel M., and whoever first put an "rd" superscript over a number two. (Seriously, just try to pronounce "2rd" without giggling. Go on.)

*****

P.S. In case this post wasn't painful enough:

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes

There are a lot of "dad joke" books out there, but this one has awesome ratings AND the word "spiffing" on the cover, so it's a clear winner.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/say-what-2025

Posted by Lindsey

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-wedding-cakes-in-chocolate-2025

Hey girl.
Today's post is dedicated to you.

By I Dream of Jeanne Cakes

That's right, to you and every other chocolate-loving chocoholic out there who can't quit craving the sweet stuff and have long since polished off the last 3 Musketeers bar in your kids' Halloween candy stash.

You know who you are.

So come along. Let's take a ride on the gentle waves of chocolate's sweet caress:

By Sweet Gems Cakes

 

Let's set sail on the decadent seas of sensory seduction.

Photography by Julie Mikos; baker unknown.

Smell the chocolate. Feeeeel the chocolate. Taste the chocolate. BE the chocolate.

 

Let chocolate's smooth tendrils of tantalization entwine you.

By Layers

 

Embrace the chocolate! Let its sweet siren song wash over you and take you to a place where a rose is just a rose, unless it's a chocolate rose...

By Baking Arts

Because then it's like, a way better rose.

 

Unless of course, it's a painted chocolate rose. With ruffles. And twirly things.

By The Paul Bradford Sugarcraft School

Twirly things of temptation!

 

So surrender! Surrender to chocolate's rich and creamy charms!

Let the fermented bean pods of the cacao tree seep into your soul as you... um... wait.

By Cakes by Occasion

OK, so maybe that's not the sexiest description of chocolate you've ever heard. Sorry.
I'm running out of adjectives here.

 

Bottom line, chocolate is pretty much perfection.

By Wilton

Like this cake. Such perfection, I'm having trouble believing it's real. Look at those razor sharp corners!

 

And the only way this curvaceous cake could be better is if there were even more of it:

By Premier Pastry

 

I can't spot a single thing wrong here, either:

By The Pastry Studio

I'm just dotty for it! (The kids still say 'dotty,' right?)
(No? Well, I'm not very hip. My pajamas have cats on them.)

 

Of course, sometimes even the most fervent chocolate lover needs a break:

By Margaret's French Bakery

Like this. This is the perfect chocolate break.

Who could resist a cake literally paved in chocolate?
I can't. You can't. Don't even try.

 

Anyway, if you love chocolate so much, why don't you marry it? I think you should.

By Kanya Hunt

If only for the cake.

Hope your Sunday’s extra sweet!

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-sweets-wedding-cakes-in-chocolate-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/halloweeeee-2025

Tonight's the big night, people!

ARE.

YOU.

READY?!?

I'll take that as a yes.

Now, the first thing you need to kick off that Halloween party later is an OFF DA HOOK historical lecture.

I'll start.

Did you know that Halloween was once known in Druidic circles as "Hallsweer?"

It's true!

Ok, not so much. But you should totally make up a bunch of random factoids and see how long it takes your guests to throw you out the window.

Or just wish everyone a happy "Hallawen," and when questioned, insist that's how it's pronounced "in the old country."

"The Ambiguously Scared Trio"

Of course we can't let the night pass without saluting you, Mr. Failing-To-Grasp-The-Concept-of-Eyeballs-Man:

In the face of crippling chocolate eyeball shortages, you step up with something that technically still has eyes on it, AND is circular. Bravo, Mr. Failing-To-Grasp-The-Concept-of-Eyeballs-Man. Bra. VO.

(Srsly, the more you try to imagine the thought process that led up to this, the funnier it gets.)

And finally, to REALLY kick your party off right, just go to your local wreckery and order a cake with a "Halloween look."

I guarantee the result will be terrifying.

Or at least really funny.

(I especially like how they really captured the spirit of "Hallowee" with all that orange, blue, and green.)

Thanks to Courtney M., Dawn K., Michelle L., Cortni C., & Eric F., who I hear is a real whiz when it comes to Hallowee decorations.

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/halloweeeee-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/fall-fail-2025

Yesterday marked the first below-80-degree weather we've had in Orlando in nearly six months! Woohoo!

Which means I can now officially say...

Y'all have GOT to be kidding me.

And now for something completely unrelated…

Boop boop be SWEET LORD IN HEAVEN.

Thanks to Myriah L. and Stephanie A. for showing us that Betty Boop really does defy the laws of physics.

*****

P.S. This seems appropriate:

Disney's Nightmare Before Christmas T-Shirt

:)

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/fall-fail-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/no-butts-2025

You know bakeries are cracking down pretty hard when they feel the need to remove the "ass" from "Associate."

"Oh, thank goodness! Now our children are safe!"

 

 

Thanks to Stephen H. & Julie W., who I assume will be assuaged by my assurance that this situation will be assessed by my asstute associates.  

 

Fun Fact: If you add an extra "s" to "astute," it sounds like "ass toot."

You're welcome.

*****

P.S. I found you some additional reading:

Farty Facts: An Illustrated Guide To The Science, History, And Art Of Farting

Yes it's a real book, I can't believe I have to clarify that. A worthy gift for all students of life, or for anyone who has a butt.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/no-butts-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/putting-the-ha-in-halloween-2025

You guys, this Friday is Halloween! And you know what that means, right?

Yep: Time to get our hands on some cake.

Finger-licking bad.

 

Or I suppose we could sink our teeth into some...er...

[blinking]

...never mind.

 

Just keep your eyes off this pumpkin cake, if you please:

Thank you.

 

I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around this design:

Ow.

Oh, I know! Maybe it's a window pane!

*gigglesnort*

Ahem.

 

I did wonder why Frank there had no nose, but then I realized:

That's why.

Yep, you could say it's as plain as the dong on his face.

 

Come to think of it, this bakery really should reevaluate their staff:

'Cuz that's one broomstick that should be swept under the rug.
You know, for being too hard to handle.
Not to mention stick-y.

 

And so, my friends, in conclusion:

Haa!

 

And...

EEN!!

 

Thanks to A.F., C.C., Linda L., Donna S., Patrick M., Dana, Jeremy C., & Kelsey N. for the tricky treats.

*****

P.S. Here's a (hilarious) reminder that English is almost as confusing as these cakes:

P Is for Pterodactyl: The Worst Alphabet Book Ever

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/putting-the-ha-in-halloween-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/deep-breaths-2025

Hey, you know what? I think we could all use a nice, relaxing post. Something safe, easy, and appetizing. Something that brings to mind happy places...

...and happy things.

So clear your minds, my friends, and let's think about happy little butterflies...

And cheeky little monkeys...

And sleepy little kittens...

 And warm, friendly faces...

And, of course, giant, chocolate-dipped beetles:

See? All better.

 

Thanks to Claudia D., Dawna Z., Kimberly S., Tiffany, Lisa H., Brittany J., & D.L. for the breather.

*****

P.S., Speaking of relaxing things, remember when fidget spinners were a thing? Because I found the upgraded, double-duty version:

Stainless Steel Spinner Ring Set

You get all 3 of these pretty spinner rings for $12, and the reviews say they're especially great for teens. These are an awesome way to keep your hands busy without being super obvious.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/deep-breaths-2025

Posted by Lindsey

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-treats-halloween-2025

You know when you go to a haunted house, how there's the usual super scary corpse-undertaker-chasing-you-with-a-blood-covered-chainsaw section? And across the parking lot there's the happy-hayride-pumpkin-patch-and-face-painting-with-the-kids section? That's where you'll find today's Halloween Sweets. Today there's nothing to be scared about, except overdosing on cuteness!

Not to mention sweetness.

By Rebecca of Sugar Creations

A cake covered in candy? I can handle that. 

 

How luscious is this caramel apple cake? It looks so real I'm tempted to take a bite just for authenticity's sake.

By Andrea's SweetCakes

 

I'm trying to be scared by this spooky graveyard cake, but ... nope! Too cute! See the wee little jack-o-lantern?

By Crafty Confections

 

Hmmm, speaking of jack-o-lanterns maybe I'll try to carve all of mine out of cake this year, because a) smaller odds of accidentally stabbing myself again, and b) tastier leftovers!

By The Ladygloom

 

Now this is a happy cake!

Made by Cake Central member preciouspjs

These monsters don't want to eat your entrails, they just want to see you smile! Love the different textures of 'fur.'

 

Ok, this next cake is by far the absolute cutest thing I've seen all day:

By Jen's Cakery

And that includes those newborn hedgehog pictures that are going around the internet and also my own children.

 

If some awesome person delivered these amazing cookies to my house, I would ban everyone from eating them, and display them as decorations instead. All year long.

By East Coast Cookies

 

It's never too soon to introduce the kids to Halloween, and not just because that means more free candy for you! (No, actually that's a good enough reason.)

By SugarRush Treats

SO CUTE! Look at the tiny droplets of blood on the vampire's fangs!

 

Now, if you are not delighted by this cake and its vivid colors, bats silhouetted by the moon and baby grand piano, you might be a Halloween Scrooge.

By The Well Dressed Cake

(Coincidentally, if you are looking for a great Halloween movie, rent A Christmas Carol with Jim Carrey, because that was the scariest shiz I've ever seen.)

 

The more I look at this cake, the more I'm floored by the details:

By Andrea's SweetCakes

 Tiny bones and fallen leaves. Itty bitty bats with fangs! Haphazardly hanging shutters! And so well-done too. I've never seen skeletons and gravestones looks so gosh darn adorable.

 

And finally, can you make it past the fearful fondling tentacles and eerie eyeballs of this cake? Beyond the ghostly guardian, over the circular sentinels, through the clingy cobwebs and up the slimy staircase to the haunted mansion?

By Good Gracious Cakes

 Go on, try it. I double dare you.

Yeah, you go on ahead...

I'll uh, just be over here getting my face painted.

Happy Sunday!

*****

P.S. Are you making Halloween Treat bags this year? Because I found the cutest set:

Halloween Goody Bag Set: 40 Bags & Stickers

I love the designs, especially the cat & the skull!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/sunday-treats-halloween-2025

Posted by Jen

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/when-the-world-ends-blame-the-ninja-deer-2025

You know how sometimes we like to zoom in to see all the wrecky details?

Well, it turns out sometimes we should zoom OUT.

Take this wedding cake, for example:

While I think you'll agree that finger-smeared "camouflage" is a true wonder to behold, there's no way for you to fully appreciate the entire artistic "tableau" - the one hinted at by that snippet of caution tape in the background - until you zoom out a ways:

I'll forgive the balloons, the little boot vases, and even the toy tractors - but two plywood boards balanced on a used tractor tire? That's time to take a stand, people. And burn it.

 

And, ok, since you insist:

Whoah, whoah, whoah. Where did those tiny deer come from?!

No, seriously, did you see any tiny plastic deer in those first two photos? 'Cuz I didn't.

Wait.

I just thought of something:

What if the deer were wearing camouflage?

{***}

That sound just then?

That was your mind being blown.

Many thanks to Anony M., who also provided a photo of the bridal party, but I've decided to protect the identities of the guilty. After all, any bridesmaid forced to wear a camo dress with a neon orange petticoat and cowboy boots has suffered enough, don't you think?

*****

P.S. I don't think I'll ever be OK with tires as cake stands, but they DO make pretty awesome travel mugs:

Stainless Steel Tire Travel Mug

The lid even has a hub cap! Ha! Great reviews, too.

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/when-the-world-ends-blame-the-ninja-deer-2025